Donate Here.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Happy Halloween!!

It's the last day of the month. And this means it's Halloween and ALSO the last day to donate to Beckham's Battle! I'm happy to report we have raised $1,237.11!! I'm so happy and so thankful to everyone who donated. So far...
Also if you've not yet received cookies (Andrew, Erin, Nic, Cody, Jenica) please remember to let me know what kind you want and where to send them!

You can still bid/donate! Just click any donate button on this site (keep reading... There's one coming up.

Beckham is bravely fighting stage 4 neuroblastoma.
All proceeds from this auction and donations made on this blog will go to Beckham and his family.

Read his story here..

The winner of this auction will receive a batch (about 2-3 dozen) of the cookies of their choice from the cookie menu (or see below)

Bidding starts at $20, all proceeds go to Beckham's medical expenses!
Place bids in comment section below, bidding ends at 9 pm pacific time
To contribute without bidding, click the "donate" button above or here:
******************************
Hooray! 
You won the cookie auction for Beckham! Please select the type of cookie you'd like from the menu below 
(Menu was chosen based on how well cookies can travel....)
 Andes Mint Chip
 Chocolate Pudding with White Chocolate Chips
 Oatmeal White Chocolate Blueberry
 Chocolate pudding with Chocolate Chips
 PeanutButter-filled Chocolate
 Chocolate Chip
 Oatmeal Raisin
 Peanut Butter Candy Cookies

 Chocolate Pudding with Peanut Butter Chips
Lemon-Thyme Shortbread
Oatmeal Butterscotch (can be gluten free)
>

Sunday, October 20, 2013

100.8 FRNK FM

I'm proud of my weight. There's the thing no one wants to hear; the thing I "shouldn't" think or feel. Yep. I'm proud. And also guilty for how that looks and sounds. I think I'm grasping for anything I can say I do well. I wanted to be the best at recovery but I'm not. I suck at recovery. I'm good at being underweight. That's easy. It's the easiest.
I wish I liked anything as much as I hate me. To have to be around me all the time is painful which is why I'm constantly in a medicated haze. It makes life livable.
If my brain were a limb it would be oozing pus and goopy with infection. And maybe someone would've cut the infection out or amputated the limb. But brain problems don't work like that. I wish the sick part of my brain would be dug out at the root and thrown away. Maybe someday.
I don't actually want to die. I'm terrified of dying. I don't want to meet God and my ancestors knowing that I killed myself. I'm afraid that death will hurt. But at the same time I feel so stuck that there is no other word for what I want. I can't live this way, I don't want to live any other way. I don't want anything. I'm only content in my sleep, and only if it's dreamless. I hurt when I wake up. My body hurts. The space between my layers of skin hurt. My pores hurt. My veins ache. My eyes burn. I can't see. I don't see. And people snicker when I talk to something that's not there.
If only my life were more like 1983.
All these things would be more like they were at the start of me.
I don't even know what's happening right now... This can't be real life.

Selfish
Spoiled
Stupid
Lazy
Ungrateful
Ugly
Self centered
Pathetic
Quitter
Loser

You can't even hurt my feelings because every "mean" thing you're thinking is not only true, but I've already thought it at least once since you started reading this sentence.

Friday, October 18, 2013

A year ago today I walked into CFC and fell apart. I spent 5 months getting physically stronger and mentally saner. I felt ready to go when I left, but honestly I thought I could keep little bits of Frank and stay in recovery. I was wrong. Bits turned into pieces, which turned into chunks... And here I am a year later. Not back to square one, but definitely too close. I've learned so much and in a lot of ways I'm healthier. I can keep appointments and talk to people without totally losing it. I don't cry when I eat. I don't try to control what others eat (as much...). I fall asleep earlier and don't work out 4 hours a day... But I see where this is going.
I'm trying to get back to cfc if I can; for a "tune-up." I'm a pound away from being under 100 which is not ok. The Frank is proud. I'm embarrassed and ashamed I've let people down.
I'm not sure what I wanted to say in this blog, but I felt like I should commemorate my year-mark somehow.
I hope you'll all forgive my failings and celebrate the small improvements. Here's hoping next year will be better.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Beckham's Second Round of Chemo -- Cookie Auction #5

Beckham had his second round of Chemo yesterday. He's a tough little cookie. I love seeing the pictures and videos his mom posts. He's a little light to many people; I love seeing him smile and laugh in the face of adversity. He's a great example to me, even though I've never met him in person.

I'm floored by the generous bids being made. And grateful. I love seeing people step up to take care of each other. The human family has a lot of good going on, and I think it's sometimes overlooked.

Cookie auction #5 starts now!! Bidding will end at 9pm pacific time. Please be generous! We've raised $850 so far, which is wonderful, but not quite the $1,000 I'd like to raise. Let's do it!! I think we can surpass it by the end of the month!!

Beckham is bravely fighting stage 4 neuroblastoma.
All proceeds from this auction and donations made on this blog will go to Beckham and his family.

Read his story here..

The winner of this auction will receive a batch (about 2-3 dozen) of the cookies of their choice from the cookie menu (or see below)

Bidding starts at $20, all proceeds go to Beckham's medical expenses!
Place bids in comment section below, bidding ends at 9 pm pacific time
To contribute without bidding, click the "donate" button above or here:
******************************
Hooray! 
You won the cookie auction for Beckham! Please select the type of cookie you'd like from the menu below 
(Menu was chosen based on how well cookies can travel....)
 Andes Mint Chip
 Chocolate Pudding with White Chocolate Chips
 Oatmeal White Chocolate Blueberry
 Chocolate pudding with Chocolate Chips
 PeanutButter-filled Chocolate
 Chocolate Chip
 Oatmeal Raisin
 Peanut Butter Candy Cookies

 Chocolate Pudding with Peanut Butter Chips
Lemon-Thyme Shortbread
Oatmeal Butterscotch (can be gluten free)

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Cookie Auction #4

People have been asking why I'm not making more batches... Like a batch for every bid. Truth is I'd LOVE to do that! But I'm still struggling with recovery and am trying to do as much as I can without overextending me self into relapse. That's why I'm hoping that folks who didn't win, but made a bid, will just (maybe, hopefully) donate that bid amount anyway. Out of the goodness of their hearts. There are donate buttons on top, side and in this blog post. Accepts PayPal and credit/debit cards.
Anyway... Back to the IMPORTANT stuff...

It's my 30th birthday!!! Argh! Ok, camilla, distract...
Cookie auction # 4 starts now!! Bidding will end at 9pm pacific time. Please be generous! We've raised $385 so far, which is wonderful, but not the $1,000 I'd like to raise. Let's do it!!

Beckham is bravely fighting stage 4 neuroblastoma.
All proceeds from this auction and donations made on this blog will go to Beckham and his family.

Read his story here..

The winner of this auction will receive a batch (about 2-3 dozen) of the cookies of their choice from the cookie menu (or see below)

Bidding starts at $30 (because I'm 30...), all proceeds go to Beckham's medical expenses!
Place bids in comment section below, bidding ends at 9pm pacific time
To contribute without bidding, click the "donate" button above or here:
******************************
Hooray! 
You won the cookie auction for Beckham! Please select the type of cookie you'd like from the menu below 
(Menu was chosen based on how well cookies can travel....)
 Andes Mint Chip
 Chocolate Pudding with White Chocolate Chips
 Oatmeal White Chocolate Blueberry
 Chocolate pudding with Chocolate Chips
 PeanutButter-filled Chocolate
 Chocolate Chip
 Oatmeal Raisin
 Peanut Butter Candy Cookies

 Chocolate Pudding with Peanut Butter Chips
Lemon-Thyme Shortbread
Oatmeal Butterscotch (can be gluten free)

Monday, October 7, 2013

Cookie Auction #3

Because it's my birthday-week and because I feel like it, cookie auction #3 starts now!! Bidding will end tomorrow (Tuesday the 8th) at 9pm pacific time. Please be generous! We've raised $240 so far, which is wonderful, but not the $1,000 I'd like to raise. Let's do it!!

Beckham is bravely fighting stage 4 neuroblastoma.
All proceeds from this auction and donations made on this blog will go to Beckham and his family.

Read his story here..

The winner of this auction will receive a batch (about 2-3 dozen) of the cookies of their choice from the cookie menu (or see below)

Bidding starts at $15, all proceeds go to Beckham's medical expenses!
Place bids in comment section below, bidding ends at 9pm pacific time
To contribute without bidding, click the "donate" button above or here:
******************************
Hooray! 
You won the cookie auction for Beckham! Please select the type of cookie you'd like from the menu below 
(Menu was chosen based on how well cookies can travel....)
 Andes Mint Chip
 Chocolate Pudding with White Chocolate Chips
 Oatmeal White Chocolate Blueberry
 Chocolate pudding with Chocolate Chips
 PeanutButter-filled Chocolate
 Chocolate Chip
 Oatmeal Raisin
 Peanut Butter Candy Cookies

 Chocolate Pudding with Peanut Butter Chips
Lemon-Thyme Shortbread
Oatmeal Butterscotch (can be gluten free)