This might as well be a video of me having some kind of tryst with an abusive ex. It's evoking those same kinds of shamed feelings. Sometimes a lapse is spur of the moment; crazy, rash, so sudden and wild that I'm almost not present while it's happening. And sometimes it's more like this. I want to be honest. I want to show every side of my recovery process, and it's definitely not linear. I'm not excusing my lapse or downplaying it or pretending it's not an issue that needs to be addressed. It does and it will be (therapy today at 1). There are things I could have done to reach out, but I didn't want to. In the moment you're about to watch, I wanted nothing but Frank.
But you know what?? Today I'm having the same urges and I'm not listening to them. Frank is screaming at me, but he can go to hell. Shut up, Frank. You're not invited to lunch today. You know who is?? Mr. Taco.