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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

What a Lapse Looks Like

This might as well be a video of me having some kind of tryst with an abusive ex. It's evoking those same kinds of shamed feelings. Sometimes a lapse is spur of the moment; crazy, rash, so sudden and wild that I'm almost not present while it's happening. And sometimes it's more like this. I want to be honest. I want to show every side of my recovery process, and it's definitely not linear. I'm not excusing my lapse or downplaying it or pretending it's not an issue that needs to be addressed. It does and it will be (therapy today at 1). There are things I could have done to reach out, but I didn't want to. In the moment you're about to watch, I wanted nothing but Frank.




But you know what?? Today I'm having the same urges and I'm not listening to them. Frank is screaming at me, but he can go to hell. Shut up, Frank. You're not invited to lunch today. You know who is?? Mr. Taco.
Hola SeƱor!

7 comments:

  1. I think it would be unreasonable for anyone to expect perfection. Keep going, Camilla. Two steps forward, one step back is still progress. And I'm sure over time, it will be more like five steps forward, one step back, etc.
    XOXO

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  2. P.S. your honesty is definitely on the side of forward motion. It can only help.

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  3. You're freakin brave and awesome. Keep it up! We support your courage over Frank!!!

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  4. I agree completely with Heather. You need to give yourself more credit. The fact that you aren't hiding it is HUGE! Major props for that. Just keep going Camilla, you are an inspiration!

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  5. Every time you smack down Frank, you get that much stronger. Recognize and celebrate your victory!

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  6. You rock it! I think it takes a ton of courage to be honest, especially with the world of blog. Keep fighting. Keep your promises to yourself. Frank sucks. You'll fight him forever but you are tough! Happy tacos! I hope today is a better day for you! Hugs!!

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