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Friday, April 12, 2013

Addicted: Food, Exercise, Anorexia, Love.


"Last night I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to get dressed, go out and pick up a guy"
-Samantha, Sex and the City 4.1 

I know exactly how that feels. Well not exactly, but I feel similar. Last night I was in my apartment feeling alone, ugly, tired, and just bad about myself in general. My solution was not to find love through binging (because food loves me back!) but to call a friend and make him come pick me up and drive around with me. Granted, that’s not exactly what Samantha was talking about; there was no sex involved. But I think it was the prudish version of the same principle. Which is:
I feel bad about myself and I need the company of a man who is attracted to me to validate my worth. And my power. And my control.

What better way to show your control then by not eating or running excessively?
How about MAKING SOMEONE ELSE DROP EVERYTHING AT ONE IN THE MORNING (of their own free will) TO COME MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.


Men have replaced Frank. Or maybe they've become Frank Incarnate. I really need to emphasize here that I’m not making out with random men. I have kissed A guy. One. But I’m addicted to love. Did you know that’s a real thing?? They have Love Addict groups and everything. Some of you might be laughing but . . . .  Well yeah it is kind of funny. But also kind of sad. 

I wish I knew how to pull that validation out of myself. To get it from inside me rather than from other people. Because what they’re giving me is not love. Attention? Yes. Validation? Maybe. Infatuation, lust, interest, morbid curiosity?? Most likely. But not love.

5 comments:

  1. i totally get it. addicted to love. i think i probably was too, or maybe still am? it's harder to tell now that i am happily married. i appreciate your honesty and knowledge that you share! hope it's a good weekend for you.

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  2. I don't know how it feels, I'm not in your shoes but I know it usually helps a lot to volunteer for a good cause and concentrate on people around you. You know how people tend to work a whole lot after they break up. This way they concentrate on something else and it makes it easier to get over pain. It buys you time, and time heals. Maybe I'm way off and that won't work for you. Hope you have a good day, Mila

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  3. Can't wait for you to figure out how to pull that love and respect out of yourself instead of needing it from outside sources. Once you figure it out, will you let me know how? I've been working on this for forty years and I still haven't figured it out... At least I know that it's bad and I haven't given up trying to figure it out. Don't you give up either. I'm so totally rooting for you.

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  4. I'm very interested in your article, looking forward to the next article

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  5. It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or two things still safe to eat. Onida

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