"Last night I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to get dressed, go out and pick up a guy"
-Samantha, Sex and the City 4.1
I know exactly how that feels. Well not exactly, but I feel similar. Last night I was in my apartment feeling alone, ugly, tired, and just bad about myself in general. My solution was not to find love through binging (because food loves me back!) but to call a friend and make him come pick me up and drive around with me. Granted, that’s not exactly what Samantha was talking about; there was no sex involved. But I think it was the prudish version of the same principle. Which is:
I feel bad about myself and I need the company of a man who is attracted to me to validate my worth. And my power. And my control.
What better way to show your control then by not eating or running excessively?
How about MAKING SOMEONE ELSE DROP EVERYTHING AT ONE IN THE MORNING (of their own free will) TO COME MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.
Men have replaced Frank. Or maybe they've become Frank Incarnate. I really need to emphasize here that I’m not making out with random men. I have kissed A guy. One. But I’m addicted to love. Did you know that’s a real thing?? They have Love Addict groups and everything. Some of you might be laughing but . . . . Well yeah it is kind of funny. But also kind of sad.
I wish I knew how to pull that validation out of myself. To get it from inside me rather than from other people. Because what they’re giving me is not love. Attention? Yes. Validation? Maybe. Infatuation, lust, interest, morbid curiosity?? Most likely. But not love.