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Saturday, March 16, 2013

Remember That One Time???

(The only thing I intended by posting this was to acknowledge how far I've come and to celebrate the fact that I didn't die! I'm sorry if that offended people.)
The other day I was walking with my dad and I said to him, "Remember that one time I almost died and then I didn't?" Good times.
Feeling excited to be alive and healthy!

28 comments:

  1. Really? Wow I'm sorry, I thought you were someone who didn't glorify the illness but this post completely made me lose all respect for you. It screams "I miss my ED and am so proud of my low weight and want any excuse to show it off" and if you were truly sick you wouldn't feel a NEED to prove any of this to anyone or glorify it at all. If you miss the ED that's fine, completely understandable, it served a purpose in your life or else you wouldn't have struggled with it in the first place but just say you miss it! Don't make up pointless and vague posts like this so that you can have an excuse to post old pictures and glorify your illness days. You look desperate and wannarexic and it's a really big turn off for people that truly want to get better.

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    1. I'm sorry you're the kind of person who loses all respect over something as arbitrary as a short blog post. That has to be a sad way to live.

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    2. Ur an idiot. Guess that's why you are anonymous...why cant she post a realization she had with out a piece of shit like you responding.

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    3. I think you may want to keep your comments to yourself, because You clearly do not know a lot about eating disorders. Most people with Eating disorders, or who are in recovery are Oddly proud of their lowest weight. Even if they don't want to be. I think this post shows not that she wasn't sick, but how sick she really was.

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    4. As someone who knows Camilla I know for sure that if she didn't truly want recovery she would not have gained 45 pounds, and she definitely would not be striving to maintain that weight.

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    5. Its irony, no sane person wants to be that sick, but it is better to make humor out of a bad memory than to dwell on it!

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  2. camilla, I'm truly proud of all your effort and am personally glad that you didn't die. whoever wrote the above post sounds like a jealous moron- truly. I wish you continued success and I pray one day we will meet again and this entire difficult time will be but a distant memory in an otherwise bright and happy life. Love, Rhonda

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  3. I agree with Anonymous. It does seem that you are glorifying your illness with this post. I don't think Anonymous is jealous, and I would *never* refer to someone as a moron.

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    1. I agree, no one should be referred to as a moron. But people should also not Leave rude comment on other people's blogs without having their information straight.

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  4. Remember that one time Camilla beat her eating disorder?

    How is she suppose to be thankful for how great recovery, if she isn't allowed to look back on where she came from, and how far she has come.

    She was on the VERGE of death, and she's not allowed to be proud she overcame it? She can't show people that she is grateful she didn't die?

    This is HER blog. It boggles my mind that people continually leave rude comments, comments dictating what she should and shouldn't post, what she should talk about and what to avoid...last time I checked this is CAMILLAS blog. If you don't like what she has to say...it is SO simple...DON'T READ IT. Just because she is in recovery, doesn't mean that rude comments like the ones above aren't going to bother her. Hell, they are probably even more difficult to receive now that she doesn't have her ed as an outlet.

    Just be nice!!!!! I don't understand why people can't keep their traps shut if they don't have anything kind to say!

    Camilla, I'm thankful for this post. It has shown how far you have come, and the amazing strength to get there. I pray you can continue on with your journey, happy and healthy, and ignoring those who are ignorant and no nothing of what you are going through! Hang tough.

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  5. Yes, it's her blog, but the reality is that what she says impacts others, especially people who are struggling with ed. It does appear that she is longing for her days of being so skinny - not helpful.

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    1. I am personally in a pretty dark place, not too far from where Camilla was a year ago and I'll tell you that for me her story and blog posts have been an inspiring journey of HOPE that I might just find a way out if this mess too. I not once have thought of her story as not helpful. Camilla, please continue what you've started. Some people out there just aren't in a place they can claim responsibility. When you recognize you have responsibility in reaching dark times you realize you have the same power to climb out. People who get stuck in victim mode allow any little thing to get to them and cry unfair and that it's everyones elses responsibility for where they are.
      Thank you, thank you Camilla for bringing me an extra boost of hope.

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  6. The purpose of this blog was to be honest about my journey through recovery. I would be completely lying if I said that I didn't still want to be skinny. The differences I'm not going to do the things that I would need to do to be that weight again, because feeling healthy and alive is so much better. I hope other girls trying toRecover will read some of these posts and realize that if they are wanting to be skinny again, it's not abnormal! And that just because they want to Lose weight doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do, and Definitely doesn't mean it will make them happier.

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  7. No toro this blog is not for you or anyone else its for her. She can post What she wants. She was feeling great and you jackasses find a reason to tear her down. Unbelievable...I'm glad you signed your post - not helpful...because YOU sure weren't.

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  8. Sorry, I am confused as to how this post offended someone.
    I only had the opportunity to work Camilla for a short time and It was a long time ago. I really don't know much about her except for what she post on her blog but I am pretty sure that the humor she shared in the above post is the same humor you can hear in many of her other post. As mentioned before it is her blog where she has so openly chosen to share her thoughts with those who choose to read them. What does this blog have to do with other people. I am pretty sure that Camilla's blog is not the worst thing that someone could be reading about eating disorders. Please be kind to our dear friend who had been given a trial here on earth that she is working through.

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  9. Camilla,
    You HAVE come a long way, and that deserves to be celebrated! I'm so incredibly proud of you! I am proud of your progress, but I am also very proud of your honesty. As somebody currently struggling to recover from an ED, I find your honesty refreshing-- something I can relate to in both the good and the hard times in recovery, and sometimes your posts make me stop and realize that I'm not even being honest with myself.

    I pray that the ignorant comments of a few (by those like Toro and the first anonymous comment) don't stop you from doing what you are doing. This is YOUR journey, not theirs. YOUR recovery, and YOUR celebration today as you are excited to be healthy and alive! (although, I'm definitely celebrating for you too!!!) I wish you would put the original picture back up-- that is how you wanted the post to be; I think you should go with it and not change the post because of a few ignorant people who apparently think they can read your mind and intentions despite likely having never even met you.

    I'm so glad to see your progress through recovery!,

    ~k

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  10. I can not actually believe how narrow minded some people can be!
    Camilla's recovery is her own, this is HER blog and she is entitled to post whatever she deems applicable.
    If you don't like what she has to say...It's simple, get off her blog!

    As someone who has been struggling with anorexia for over 8 years, I have been following Camilla's blog for a while now and not once have I found that she is in any way glorifying her ed.
    This illness is so devious, that sure there might be those days where one "misses" it or misses the weight they use to be etc.

    Those feelings are all part of the recovery process. An ed becomes ones identity...so it's only natural that it will take some time to build up a new identity and feel safe to let go of the old/unhealthy one.

    It's totally normal to want to express yourself, Camilla's story has reached and inspired so many people around the world!
    (I live in South Africa so I can vouch for that!)

    Honestly, If the haters out there don't have anything nice to say...rather keep your comments to yourself.

    You are doing an amazing job Camilla, don't ever feel like you owe anyone an explanation or an apology for how you express yourself.

    Keep up the good work!

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  11. I think people fail to understand how the rational part of your brain ceases to function at the peak of an eating disorder. When an individual is in the throes of the mental illness, the behavior does not make sense. The thought patterns do not make sense. This is why recovery is so difficult. So I imagine when someone is in recovery, they look back at when they were at their worst (almost dying, for example), it's hard to imagine being in that place as a rational, functioning human being. It can seem almost comical that someone, especially when YOU are that someone, could get to that place and not recognize that there is a problem.

    Making light of a scary situation is also a common defense mechanism, and could be Camilla's way of processing with her father the things that they went through, and the things she is processing about what she put her loved ones through. Recovery comes with guilt and regret, which are great for motivation to continue to do better-- but are still difficult things to deal with in themselves.

    I hope that those that are so quick to judge harshly will instead view those feelings as an opportunity to learn more about the illness, and more about the journey of recovery. Those negative attitudes are an indication that there is a misunderstanding, and I hope that you will continue reading, and seek with a desire to empathize.

    Keep it up, Camilla.

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  12. I think that it's hard for anyone to truly understand how the comment can be taken unless they have had an eating disorder. Often eating disorder sufferers like to remind others of how low their weight was or how close to death they came. It is a source of validation, a type of reminiscing about how 'great' the past was and yes a way to be proud of how good they were at their illness. This is how I read the post and I suspect many others with eating disorders would as well. I think that you need to be careful what you post because many girls who do have eating disorders are following you and yes, while the majority of the 'normal' population would not find anything wrong with this comment those who have been through the trenches can see it as attention seeking and a direct invitation for competition. You write to chronicle your journey but I think you do have a responsibility to those who read your blog who suffer from an eating disorder or who perhaps have been in treatment with you. What you said would not be an appropriate comment to make in a room full of girls who are trying to recover. Perhaps you should ask yourself who your intended audience is and what you want to risk by exposing girls you have met through treatment or who have chosen you as a role model (good or bad as this may be.).

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    1. Amen. Seriously you deserve a standing ovation.

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    2. I have been a long time lurker and have yet to comment until now. I too went to treatment at CFC. Not at the same time as you. While I do admire your courage and determination to get better, I have to question your motivation for posting nearly naked pictures of yourself at your thinnest as well as mentioning your lowest moments. I hope I can come across with love and concern for your recovery and not as attacking you personally. I love my CFC sisters even the ones I have never met because I know the special light and characteristics so many of them posses. I agree that it is your blog and no one is being forced to read it including myself. I have been in recovery for a couple years now and don't get triggered very easily, so while your posts do not trigger me I do cringe a little when I hear you mention things like numbers or "war stories." Probably most people who don't have ED experience come here and want to fiercely defend you and your blog and that just goes to show how much support you have which is great, but don't dismiss the loving concern those who have been there have for you too. I think you know that some of your posts would not be appropriate to talk about with other ED sufferers. I would challenge you to really think about your true motivation behind your posts. If they are truly to reflect upon how far you've come then great- who am I to challenge that, but if there is even a little bit of an ulterior motive for you to hang onto or fondly reminisce about you eating disorder then I would say do the opposite of what your ED says. I also want to say to those of you who have been through an ED and want to criticize Camilla, remember you've been there too. Don't forget the struggles and if you have a suggestion for her say it with kindness and respect. We are all human and we all have feelings.
      Love,
      K

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  13. Nice work Camilla! There will always be people who don't understand where you are coming from or what you've been through! But you are at a point now where you KNOW what is and isn't healthy and you don't need the opinions of others to do the right thing for you. Keep on keepin' on girl!

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    1. I think the point of the above anonymous commenters are that they DO understand where she is coming from. The thing with being in treatment for an eating disorder is you learn what is appropriate to disclose. Having been at CFC for such a long time and having her story publicized, there are definitely many people who struggle with eating disorders following this blog... even people that were in treatment with Camilla. If that picture had been shown on the CFC unit, no doubt it would have been confiscated and destroyed. I think what all the commenters who disagreed with this post are saying is that it is important to recognize that those kind of pictures can be very triggering to those in the depths of their eating disorder. Nobody is attacking Camilla, just asking for a little more awareness as to what she posts considering her audience.

      So the question I have for you Camilla, is how do you think that the staff and patients at CFC would have reacted if you were showing that picture to other girls on the unit?

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    2. And another question, what were your true motives behind posting it? Not the motives that people want to hear but what they sincerely were. I doubt you did this with mal intent because you seem like a very sweet person, but sometimes the disorder distorts that and makes us do things we otherwise wouldn't have done normally.
      Just something to think about.

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  14. Something I learned about myself in recovery is that I often used my eating disorder as a visual sign to others that I was hurting inside. I couldn't tell them using my voice, so I instead showed them by losing weight. I have been guilty of posting "sick" pictures of myself on blogs or facebook in the past. I was always defensive when others would ask why I did so. I would say it was to show how far I have come, but when I really looked deeper into it I would find that I was scared that people would forget I was still hurting even though I was at a healthy weight. Sometimes people forget that the emotional pain takes much longer to heal than the physical part. I didn't want people to stop caring. I had to prove to them that I really was sick and that I wasn't making it up. I think I was also proving to myself that I was sick. When I finally realized that I could use my voice and ask for help when I needed it, I no longer had the desire to post pictures or prove my illness. Just something to think about. Eating Disorders are so complex that there could be any number of reasons for doing such things.

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  15. Think positive and ignore the negative comments on here, we believe in you! Anyone who has had a food problem as i like to call it, would understand what you were saying. It isn't like after recovery you are recovered, because the road to recovery is a long bumpy road and it has set backs. But with caring people to support you it makes it a hell of a lot easier!
    Much love, Stephanie

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  16. As Camilla's dad: I appreciate the comments and the discussions above, especially the one from "K", and several on March 19th. It's great that this blog can be a discussion group to look at various symptoms of eating disorders. I wish people wouldn't be mean, and I appreciate the people (K, for example) who ask legit questions without being mean.
    So I will ask all of the nay-sayers a simple question (since I was walking with Camilla when she made the "Remember when" question that we laughed about): What part of "Feeling excited to be alive and healthy!" is confusing? What part of "Feeling excited to be alive and healthy!" makes you think she is choosing her eating disorder over "Feeling excited to be alive and healthy!" KSL.com has her "exit" interview. I watched it being filmed. Camilla is GLAD to be escaping from that hell. This blog is meant to give hope to people who are in it.

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