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Monday, January 14, 2013

A Slight Irritation That’s Barely Worth Mentioning.

*This is from Saturday January 12, 2013*

It's about 4:00 pm and I have the major grumpies.

I’d never realized before, but snacks here are messed up. The reason I never realized this is because I’m not usually in tune with my hunger, and I’ve never been hungry after finishing a snack. Until TODAY. I finished my little bag of animal crackers and was still feeling very hungry, so I went to get an “extra.” This is what was available to me: various ice cream bars and sandwiches, candy bars, end of list. I looked in a little mini fridge where they keep leftovers and saw some scones left over from breakfast. I asked if I could have half of one, and was told, “No, those leftovers are for the Care Techs.” I explained that I was still really hungry, but didn’t want any candy and was still told no.

Ok.

In the real world my snack choices would not be limited to ice cream and candy bars. Ice cream generally makes my stomach ache, and I don’t always want candy. That’s not an eating disorder thing, that’s a normal, adult-listening-to-what-my-body-needs thing. 

I wasn’t asking anyone to go to the store or make me something extravagant. I don’t think I was asking for anything outrageous. .  . So here I am. I’m still hungry. On a scale of 1-10 (1 being starving to death and 10 being I’m-going-to-die-full) it’s probably a 3. I’m uncomfortably hungry. And by the time dinner gets here I’m sure I’ll be at least a 2. That makes me nervous because when I get THAT hungry I start feeling those “feast or famine” feelings. When that happens I eat too fast, and then I think I eat too much, and I feel overly full. And then I want to purge or exercise . . . I’d prefer to avoid those feelings whenever possible.
You know, sometimes a gal just wants some carrots. Or half a scone.

*Also, I looked in the fridge this morning (MONDAY) and ALL the scones are still there.*

35 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry...I would be very grumpy too! I would have a hard time not saying something about them darn scones STILL being there! I love reading your blog!

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  2. Next time, don't ask. Just eat the dang scone.

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  3. hahaha i like robby's idea. Since it was the weekend i bet the normal people weren't around and maybe you would have got a different answer from someone else. Kind of ridic that the care techs come before clients who have eating disorder...wtf...you're paying them. But also when you restrict hunger sneaks up in random places that you wouldn't expect sometimes....maybe that will help motivate you to not just take one side during family style meals ;)

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  4. If the irritation is barely worth mentioning, why mention it?

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    1. Probably for the same reason you needed to write this useless comment.

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    2. Ok first, the treatment team (dieticians, nutritionists, therapists, nurses, etc,) has a very metiulously planned and well thought out eating plan for every patient. It has the exact amount of calories you should be eating, and it is obviously enough since in the past you have complained that it is too much and you are gaining weight. If you are allowed to just go eat what you want, they cant keep track of your calorie intake, which messes up the whole plan. Also I have never heard of an institute where patients can just go through the fridge and pick out what they want. There are prepared meals and snacks and if that occasionally happens to be unhealthy, well thats something you need to learn to deal with. I happen to know the patients are not allowed in this particular fridge and I'm sure camilla knows that. The care techs response could have been different, i'll give you that, but dont go poking around where you dont belong.

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    3. Having been a patient at CFC myself I know that they HAVE let patients go in that fridge and in the past they have been allowed to eat things out of the fridge. If it’s not going to be allowed, fine, but keep some consistency or it becomes like Nazi Germany where you’re being punished for rules that are constantly changing, or that you didn’t know existed.

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    4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    5. Nobody was punished, she was simply told no, and nazi germany? are you kidding me? I'm sure our POWS from nazi germany spent lots of time whining over something as petty as what they got to eat, oh wait, they didnt get to eat!!! What a pathetic comparison.

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  5. And also if you are on Family Style, as she is, she is not plated and choosing items for herself. She has also said she has been ENCOURAGED to take extras and challenges. So your argument about things being meticulously planned out is invalid. Her dietician asked her to take extras and that’s what she was trying to do.

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    1. You were lucky enough to get a tech that didnt know the rules apparently, which happens too often. The patients are absolutely NOT allowed in that fridge! I worked in that kitchen for awhile and know everyone who is still there, the rules havent changed. As far as the extras, yes you are encouraged to take extras FROM THE CHOICES OFFERED! You may not rummage through the kitchen and help yourself!

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  6. Wow.... some people are so ignorant! If someone that is in a facility for a eating disorder says she is hungry, then I don't care what time it is ect. she should be able to eat something! She shouldn't be learning to grab a damn candy bar or ice cream every time she is hungry! There should be healthy options as well. Just because she has an eating disorder does not mean that healthy food options and choices should not be offered. We want her to stay healthy and at a healthy weight! In the "real world" there would be more choices than that! They need to set them up for success when they leave there as well! That girl should have been nicer about a scone or at least offered her something else. She is not in prison! She chose to admit herself and is trying her ass off to get better. All the money she is paying and she can't even have a half of a scone! Whatever! Stupid! I believe those girls should have free access to a certain degree to " A FRIDGE " Monitor their real eating habits and help them to change things that may hurt them or set them back when they are no longer in the facility! Some, I am sure, seeing they are in an eating disorder facility, have bad eating habits; ( duh! ) So to allow them to make choices and maybe sign out on a piece of paper what they ate, so then it can be considered in their therapy, would be a good and wise way to see where each patients eating habits are. To cause someone with an eating disorder to restrict ( basically denying them something to eat ) is just feeding into their addiction and making them feel guilty for asking in the first place!!!!! As far as all the negative bullshit comments, get off the blog assholes!!!! To everyone else, I apologize for my swearing, just tired of stupid people! Camilla, you go girl! I will send you FIVE damn SCONES!! :)

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  7. Maybe you need to educate yourself on eating disorders as well as the facility you obviously know nothing about. The snacks they serve are generally nutritious. The ice cream and candy are not snacks, they are challenges. A challenge is to teach the girls not to be scared of certain foods. Nothing is bad in moderation. By the way, last time I checked, scones were not healthy. They are fried white dough! Quit making it sound like she is being forced to live on junk and get yout facts straight!!!

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    1. Can you please take your negitivity elsewhere. Camilla is a dear and close friend of mine and does not need people like you in any aspect of her life.

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  8. First of all I do not need to educate myself on anything.... :) Fact is, she was hungry, and shouldn't have been told no! If she did not want to eat a candy bar as a " challenge " then she should have been offered some other kind of food. She should NOT go hungry! Oh, and by the way.... I wasn't talking about a scone in general, I was talking about options and if you read what I wrote, I actually stated that "healthy" options should be offered! Our bodies crave vitamins and healthy foods. If a patient comes to an employee and says she is hungry, especially an anorexic, then they should GET her something to eat! Not doing so is only going to cause her to feel overly hungry at dinner and then engorge herself with food and overeat, which IS CONTRIBUTING to her eating disorder. It will cause her to feel guilt and want to purge or exercise! Is it a healthier option to allow them to have an extra snack when hungry, rather than allowing them to get to a point of feeling famished? I do not need to "educate" myself on something that is common sense!! ;) It is clear though, that you, must know everything about it!! That's all! :)

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  9. Oh and btw.... I know what a scone is! Also, if candy bars and ice cream are not snacks, then WHY was that the ONLY option offered to her after she ate her ANIMAL CRACKERS for her snack! That wouldn't satisfy a two year old! Obviously you should educate yourself on eating disorders and what it does to the mind as well!! It would only cause someone in Camilla's situation to feel as if she did something bad by looking for more food and then to have to struggle against her own self to actually admit she is still hungry and tell someone and then be told no, is CRAZY!!!!

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  10. It is hilarious to me that camilla has been in this facility for 3 months and all we've heard is how happy she is to be there, how she's learning so much, putting on weight and feeling better all the time. Then she has a bad snack, one bad snack in 3 months and you all jump on the poor camilla bandwagon! If she is so miserable there why doesnt she leave? You said yourself she's not in prison and there are plenty of other places she can go. I'll tell you why, because she's treated and fed just fine. Obviously you do need some serious educating

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  11. Lmao!! I am really laughing at your ignorance! She is entitled to share her opinion. She was NOT acting as if this place is hell and like she is being treated poorly! She made a simple complaint about something we all would probably be a little aggravated about! Why are you here?? To bring your all knowing and superior education to all us ignorant people that don't know a damn thing? For all you know I could be a anorexic patient myself, or better yet a Doctor for eating disorders! So, how bout this.... get OFF CAMILLA'S Blog and take your negative bullshit somewhere else! With that being said, have a great night!

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  12. At least Camilla is REAL!!!!!!! She don't sugar coat it and she don't play! She has made a few negative comments about this journey and some people look at it as an invitation to call her an ungrateful whining baby! Please, I would Love to see any one of you negative people in her shoes and keep a joyful and positive attitude every day! She is honest and that says so much more than anything! Just because she is asking for help does not mean she has to PRETEND that this is all a walk in the park and her complaints or struggles with it does NOT make her ungrateful!!
    People should realize that she is going through all the steps of mourning a loss. Frank was such a HUGE part of her life, that even if not a real person, she is mourning his loss and will go through all different stages in this process. To know that she is actually going through these stages shows she IS healing! I commend her for her strength and honesty and most of all, for putting up with the ignorance of the real uneducated people that try and bring her down. She picks herself up, dusts herself off and moves forward, and that right there, IS REAL STRENGTH!! God bless you Camilla! You got what it takes girl and do not let a single person tell you otherwise!!!!!!!!

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  13. Your right, she's not making a big deal out of it, you are, and your the only ignorant one on here so far. You obviously know very little and you show it with every idiotic comment you make. considering your attitude and vast knowledge of food, I have no doubt you weigh plenty:-) . How about you get of camillas blog and take your idiocy with you!

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    1. That you even wrote this comment is insensitive, self serving, and very rude. Not to mention totally inappropriate. In the future choose your words much more carefully especially considering the content of this blog. I hope someone with the ability to do so will remove this comment and the others following it. I also hope sweet Camilla who is dealing with enough does not read it.

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  14. I'm so sorry I offended you!! ;), but I am pretty sure that most individuals will see YOU as the only "idiotic" person here!! But I do thank you for your opinion on me!! Too bad I am ok with who I am and what I stand for or your mean and judgmental attitude may just get me down about myself!! Maybe I will go eat a large chocolate cake with extra whip cream and wallow in my low self esteem issues that I obviously have because I am defending a person who is going through hell that people want to judge on her OWN BLOG! Gosh.... how did you know I weigh plenty?? Oh, because you realized I know more than you? So that must make me fat? LOL I won't even give you the satisfaction of telling you what I weight because my self worth don't lie in what YOU THINK!!!!! :) LOL But I do want to say this, your comments and yours only were the ignorant ones! I am so sorry you feel so terrible about yourself that you feel a need to "try" and bring other's down!! Oh and you are damn straight I am making a big deal out of this, I am tired of people trying to bring people down when it is obvious they are going through a real and life threatening struggle! I have nothing else to say and will not waste any more time with you! ;) Take care!!

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  15. oh I am not in the least offended, I enjoy a good debate. You seem to have your feathers plenty ruffled. I have at not at any point bashed or insulted camilla, except to say that she had a whiney moment, and we all do. Your the one that decided her place of treatment was evil and I have simply defended them. Maybe you need to read the comments again. maybe you'll put down your chocolate cake long enough to actually read what is written but please quit wasting my time. Oh and have a nice day;-)

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  16. Thank you, I do plan on it!! ;)
    P.S. The chocolate cake was scrumptious btw!! In case you didn't realize though, I was being a smart ass! ;) No one needs to defend the facility, she was not bashing them, just made a simple complaint! She don't need an "Anonymous" lesson and history 101 on the facility! It doesn't change the fact that she was frustrated with what happened but obviously is still grateful to be there! TA-TA my friend!! :)

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  17. I dont know how many times I have said it wasnt her bashing the facility. It was you people on her blog, but apparently it doesnt sink in. wasting my time again, yawn.

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  18. Quite honestly I'm kind of disappointed with them two people arguing with each other, I'm sure some of the things you two said could be extremely triggering to Camilla. Let's not forget the point of this website. It is to support Camilla in her battle against anorexia, she needs all the support and love that she can get.

    Camilla, I am quite worried about you. I keep checking for an update everyday, and grow more and more concerned when there isn't a new post. Just remember that despite the "meanies" that have come on your blog, there are MANY others who are inspired by your strength and courage, who diligently pray for your well being multiple times a day. I know so many of us, if we could, would take a part of your burden if it would lighten the load upon your shoulders. Never forget that someone, somewhere, loves you and wants you to be as happy as possible!

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    1. Thank you. I feel the same. Wouldn't be the worst thing if someone could get rid of that silly argument all together. You girls should be ashamed of yourselves for some of the things you put on here. Camilla seems so sweet and strong and honest that only positive feelings and words should be sent to her. So many people are rooting for you! Keep trying beautiful girl. With so many people behind you, you can do it. Sincerely, Andrea. ( I'm just a random supporter who came across your blog and thinks you are absolutely delightful! :)

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  19. ...what Anonymous Andrea said...
    Camilla you are an inspiration to all of us that have challenges we bravely face and fight. (Pretty much includes everyone I know!). You go girl! xoxoxoxo

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  20. I agree with everyone of you. I was not in the least trying to trigger anything for Camilla but only trying to stand up for her and some of the comments I made to the Anonymous person who responded was for one reason.... To show her that it is not ok to put others down and be negative ABOUT CAMILLA or what she is going through! I will gladly erase my comments, but if you read carefully you will notice that I am standing up for someone that I believe in and I am tired of other's acting as if people shouldn't be real about things. Camilla is very real and honest about what she is feeling and should not have to sugar coat how she is feeling to please other's. If you read my first post you will see that I was infuriated with a certain someone's comments about her, and so I spoke my mind. I may not have done so with complete class and poise, but none the less, I was standing up for Camilla. Sometimes real is the only way to get through to people! Being nice and sweet about things sometimes just does not work! I do believe that I was trying to make a point to this person when I brought up chocolate cake. This individual was tying to insult, degrade and not only humiliate Camilla, but also myself! It was a way of showering her that people "like her" ( A Bully) really do cause others to do things like that to cope. She was ignorant about things, as I could have been too, but mine was with good intentions and I am not so sure about hers! So if I offended anyone, I do apologize, because my heart and love go out to Camilla and her family and she is an inspiration to me and many! I am just fed up with people who cannot see the struggle and want to be negative about HER! Take care everyone!

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    1. Stop apologizing and justifying your behavior. Instead of saying you're sorry show it and do the right thing and just stop fueling the argument. Be the bigger person, show your love for Camilla another way, and seriously, just stop.

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    2. I don't have to justify my behavior!! I did nothing wrong!!

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  21. Camilla, thank you for always being real and open about exactly where you are in your process. I know it opens you up to criticism, but please know that you are inspiring many more than those unkind few. Most importantly, you are saving your life! Keep fighting, beautiful! You embody courage.

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  22. This is to Camilla -- Unfortunately, it seems your blog has been taken over by those with their own issues/agenda. Every time I log on, I realize it has been another day since January 12, the last day you posted. Although it is none of my business, I am concerned that we haven't heard from you regarding your journey. When you first entered treatment in October, I started following your journey after your story aired on KOMO in Seattle. You have spoken of helping others when you have recovered from this illness, but you have already helped me SO MUCH through this blog by allowing me to understand more intimantely how it feels to live in and work to recover from the anorexic world, which unfortunately, my daughter also lives in, but refuses to address. After your story aired, I was compelled to write a comment, because your story could have been my daughters. It touched me so deeply and I knew I had to contribute to your recovery and follow your journey, because what I can't do for my daughter, at least I could be, in a small way, a part of a "family" whose pain I could relate directly to...and subsequently, rejoice in the choice to enter treatment, and the road to recovery. You owe nothing to anyone, but as a parent who is grateful for the unique opportunity to try to understand what it's like, REALLY like, to go through this process, I would love to know that you are still okay. My fear is that you are no longer at THE Center....and if true, my hope is that you gained enough to carry you through to complete recovery.

    When I originally commented, your Dad personally responded to my comment and told me if I ever wanted to talk, to let him know. How kind hearted that was. Well, Dad, this is what I would love to know. Is Camilla still doing well? Thanks for your time, and most of all, thank you, Camilla, for allowing us into your journey. Continued love and prayers sent up for you...A Mom who cares.

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    1. I, too, am concerned about your well-being. Hopefully, if you are no longer in treatment it is because you are doing so well! Please, submit another post so that those of us who truly care about you can be updated on your progress. I hope all is going good for you at the CFC and that you feel your recovery is progressing as you have hoped it would. I wish you well.

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