It's about 4:00 pm and I have the major grumpies.
I’d never realized before, but snacks here are messed up. The reason I never realized this is because I’m not usually in tune with my hunger, and I’ve never been hungry after finishing a snack. Until TODAY. I finished my little bag of animal crackers and was still feeling very hungry, so I went to get an “extra.” This is what was available to me: various ice cream bars and sandwiches, candy bars, end of list. I looked in a little mini fridge where they keep leftovers and saw some scones left over from breakfast. I asked if I could have half of one, and was told, “No, those leftovers are for the Care Techs.” I explained that I was still really hungry, but didn’t want any candy and was still told no.
In the real world my snack choices would not be limited to ice cream and candy bars. Ice cream generally makes my stomach ache, and I don’t always want candy. That’s not an eating disorder thing, that’s a normal, adult-listening-to-what-my-body-needs thing.
I wasn’t asking anyone to go to the store or make me something extravagant. I don’t think I was asking for anything outrageous. . . So here I am. I’m still hungry. On a scale of 1-10 (1 being starving to death and 10 being I’m-going-to-die-full) it’s probably a 3. I’m uncomfortably hungry. And by the time dinner gets here I’m sure I’ll be at least a 2. That makes me nervous because when I get THAT hungry I start feeling those “feast or famine” feelings. When that happens I eat too fast, and then I think I eat too much, and I feel overly full. And then I want to purge or exercise . . . I’d prefer to avoid those feelings whenever possible.
You know, sometimes a gal just wants some carrots. Or half a scone.
*Also, I looked in the fridge this morning (MONDAY) and ALL the scones are still there.*