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Wednesday, December 12, 2012

I Need Another Word For "Thanks" ...

I Need Another Word for Thanks . . .
  . . . Because "Thanks" feels very insufficient. I feel silly even trying to write this blog. I don’t know how to express my gratitude adequately. As I’ve been writing I’ve noticed that the more eloquent I try to be, the sillier I sound. I’m a lot of things, but at the end of the day I’m a Wisconsinite. I like mayonnaise on my brats. I wear cheese hats in public. I enjoy singing “Sweet Transvestite” at karaoke. I think drunk people are hilarious. I try to be gracious, but I’m also very crass. If I tried as hard as I want to express my gratitude in a stirring, impassioned and impressive manner, it ends up sounding fluffy and insincere.

So thank you. Thank you times a billion!! Plus a trillion. Times infinity.

I don’t feel worthy of the care and help I’ve received and am continuing to receive. I often feel guilty that I’m receiving so much help. I hope if anyone reading this is struggling with any kind of illness or addiction you’ll see the overwhelmingly positive response I’ve had to my appeal for assistance, and will find your own motivation and courage to tell people you need help, and to accept it when it comes.

A few years ago, right after my divorce, I wrote a blog called “Everyone should have a Jory.” Jory is a dear friend who was there for me when I got divorced, and has always been there when I’ve needed a shoulder to cry on, or any kind of support. I still believe with all my heart that everyone should have a Jory.

Anorexia Awareness Benefit Dinner
My darling friend put together a benefit dinner/auction/raffle that took place last Sunday, Dec. 9th. It was a tremendous success. So many people came, including many whom I’ve never met. Everyone loves Jory (because he loves everyone), and I know they came to support him as he supported me. He also found a way for people to donate through a non-profit organization (Women’s Health Organization … the link is at the top of my blog). Everything donated to me through the non-profit goes directly to the Center for Change for my care, which is simplifying my life in a HUGE way. I feel a huge weight lifted.

I want to share the e-mail Jory sent me describing the event:

“I felt like we did really well for the dinner.  Between the dinner, raffle, silent auction and donation page that we put up, we did [nearly $4000].  I feel pretty great about that.  I hope you do too.

My friend Michelle is a professional photographer.  She stayed up all night a week ago and read your entire blog.  She had a dream that night about how she should take pictures at the event and share them with you. . . It was very sweet. 

My friend Tara Starling read the email below that you sent me. It was touching.  Truly.  Gave me chills (you can see the video )

My friend Stephanie Anderson and I drove around all day on Friday and Saturday and got ALL of the groceries paid for.  That’s what I was most stressed about.  We had ZERO overhead for this party; quite literally everything was donated.  (Huge sigh of relief).  I didn’t want any costs so that we could give you ALL of the donations.

The event itself was perfect. . .  We figure about 150 came.  We made 4 soups from scratch and Kneaders donated about 40 loaves of bread.  We had so much soup left over because we made enough soup for 250 that we gave the rest to a homeless shelter in Midvale.  So fun. 

Stephanie got us around 35 items donated that we raffled and auctioned off… worth about $2,000.  She was amazing and a HUGE help.  Could not have done this without her.”

Jory’s friend Stephanie also gave me some wonderful Matrix shampoo and conditioner and brought ABBA body washes and lotions for the other girls here! So much generosity in one place, it’s truly overwhelming.

Kamiakin Band "Concert for Camilla"
Last night, my band director from Junior High, Mr. B., held a “Concert for Camilla.” Here's the email he sent to the Kamiakin "band family".

A family in our community is desperate and we can help.  The Kamiakin bands have a proud history of helping those in need.... We have the chance to help a young lady who graduated from the Kamiakin Band Program in 1998 and suffers from Anorexia.  At next Tuesday’s concert, “A Concert for Camilla,” we’ll be passing the hat to help Camilla’s family fund her recovery at the Center for Change in Orem, Utah.”

I haven’t heard yet how the concert went, but Kamiakin Junior High concerts are usually AWESOME. [Dad’s note: Over $1000 was raised!] Mr. Brannman is probably my favorite teacher ever, and I know I’m not the only one of his students who thinks so. He makes it a point to keep in touch with all of the “Band Alumni” and I can tell he truly cares about all of us.

These are merely two recent examples of the generosity and charity I’ve experienced. It’s truly overwhelming. I’m not going to lie, some days knowing that people out there are rooting for me is the only thing that keeps me here (because recovery is very hard). Thank you for pulling for me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for helping me heal. I know I couldn’t have done this alone.

I’m truly overwhelmed with gratitude. I wish I could express it better.

Thank you times a billion.
Plus a trillion. Times infinity. Love, Camilla


  1. Dear Camilla,

    I was happy to hear that you are feeling better. And I was happy and excited for you when I saw and heard about all the efforts being done to help you.

    Life is filled with many challenges, Some harder then others. But when all seems lost and little to no hope can be found around us, the light and power of love can overcome and vanquish the darkness of sorrow and despair. You should not feel guilty because others want to help you. They do it because they love you, and want to help you. And that love can be a strong power for you as you work for your recovery. I know from personal experience that it can be hard sometimes to receive help from others. Partly because our pride would have us believe that we don't need any help. But as we accept the help of others, not only do we show humility, but it opens opportunities that can change our lives, and the lives of those that helped us. But when we accept the help from those who offer it. Not only are our lives blessed from their help, but the lives of those that provided the help and service are blessed as well.

    You are not alone it this fight. It is not easy to recover from an addiction, or a disease that affects us mentally as well as physically. But it can be done. And I'm sure as you keep fighting, and push through every hard day, then one day you will be filled with joy that you did it, you won the fight! And all those that have struggled with you and helped you through this, will be there to rejoice with you!

    May the Lord bless you as you continue your recovery. And Merry Christmas!!!


    A friend

  2. Hey, Camilla. I'm starting to put a care package together for you guys and I was wondering whether you're allowed nail polish in the center and, if so, whether you would like some. I also wanted to know how many of you there are. Thanks, and good luck!!