Saturday November 3, 2012
Have You Tried Farting?
Once upon a time my dad was complaining about an uncomfortable pain in his chest. He had just had heart surgery, so of course he was going to be uncomfortable. But my advice, when hearing about his pain, was: “Have you tried farting?”
I was dead serious.
Unfortunately he found my question insanely funny, and laughing after heart surgery is really painful. And it made him sound like an elk in rut.
Anyway, that’s become a little joke in our family. Any ailment can be cured by: “Have you tried farting?”
The other day one of my lovely friends here was complaining of chest pain so I asked her: “Have you tried farting?” She laughed. And it was lovely.
Treatment here is really hard. A lot of the time we are anxious, tired, sad, angry . . . . A lot of people here have experienced insane amounts of trauma and they’ve given up their best coping mechanism (the eating disorder). So any amount of laughter is like a rainbow, sunshine, hugs and bubbles all worked into one.
Speaking of farting and laughter, let me tell you a little something.
Because of the nature of this facility, the bathrooms are locked and we are not allowed to flush the toilets on our own. This means that someone else is flushing our poop. Yes. That happens. The first time it happened to me I apologized profusely . . . But there’s really no great way to say, “I’m so sorry, and thank you for flushing my excrement.”
Because of the nature of eating disorders, many of the patients here (myself included) are on weight restoration diets.
Also because of the nature of eating disorders, our bodies aren’t always sure what to do with the food we’re partaking of. We’ve been malnourished so long that our bodies start doing all kinds of interesting things . . .
Let’s just say any pride you might have when it comes to the bathroom goes right out the door when you admit here, and you become a gas factory.
So here we are, all very petite women, walking around totally owning up to our bodily functions. We’d make any Scouting campout look tame . . .
“Sorry guys, that was me.”
“You might want to go first because I have to poop.”
“No one sit over here because I definitely farted.”
“Wait a minute before you go in there.”
But we all laugh at each other. And I’m not going to lie, it’s great medicine.
Also: When I was little I called flatulence “Bottom Burps.” I think this is the only time I’ll be able to tell you that without it seeming totally out of context and inappropriate. Mom will be proud.