I feel like I'm losing control. I'm going to a place where I won't be able to exercise any time I want. I won't be able to chose all my food. I won't be able to get online or text or go where I want to. I won't be able to restrict. I won't be able to purge by fasting or exercising or . . .
I'm trying to remind myself that the control I'm relinquishing is actually a counterfeit control. It's not real.
Real Control is asking for help. Going voluntarily into treatment. Walking through the doors. Getting off the treadmill at a reasonable time. Feeding my body.
But right now it just feels like I'm going to die. I'm terrified.