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Wednesday, October 17, 2012


I feel like I'm losing control. I'm going to a place where I won't be able to exercise any time I want. I won't be able to chose all my food. I won't be able to get online or text or go where I want to. I won't be able to restrict. I won't be able to purge by fasting or exercising or . . .

I'm trying to remind myself that the control I'm relinquishing is actually a counterfeit control. It's not real.

Real Control is asking for help. Going voluntarily into treatment. Walking through the doors. Getting off the treadmill at a reasonable time. Feeding my body.

But right now it just feels like I'm going to die. I'm terrified.


  1. I can't even imagine how difficult this is going to be for you. Something that has helped me through really difficult situations has been to keep reminding myself that it will eventually just be another memory, if I just get through it. Maybe that will help you too, and if not, there is no real harm in sharing, right?
    I hope that you are able to write and put your thoughts down while you are there.

    Best wishes, stay strong, and create your ideal outcome. :)

  2. Kristian and I are behind you 100%!!! Just keep telling your self all the positive things, one day they will be true in your heart and mind, then you will have your life back... Love you.