I haven't been blogging because I'm so terrified and writing about this forces me to think about it.. Saying goodbye to my siblings was horrible. I miss them already. I'm in Utah. So scared I can hardly breathe. I have to relinquish control. I have to relearn how to eat. I have to face an ugly past that I've worked sohard to hide and beat down. This is so painfully uncomfortable I'm actually having physical reactions to it and it hurts. Plus I'm sleep deprived, which just exacerbates every other issue. I'm scared.