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Monday, September 10, 2012

I understand that being open and asking for help subjects me to some ridicule. I'm ok with that. I understand that many people think eating disorders aren't a real "thing." I know that some people don't think I look sick. That's fine. What hurts my feelings is that anyone would think I would steal from my friends, family, and their friends and family. My parents are refinancing their home to finance my treatment. All my savings is going toward treatment. My grandparents are contributing a very large amount. We are trying to get help from the Mormon church. I'm trying to sell my car, a diamond ring, jewelry, my bike . . . basically everything I have that has any value. It KILLS my heart that I'm having to ask for help, but I don't know what else to do. I'm sorry.

I AM still selling baked goods, so keep the requests coming! I promise to fill them as best as I can!Last night I made my soon to be famous Oatmeal cookies for my friend Leslie (who I haven't seen in 10 years! We cheered together in High School, it was so wonderful to see her),

 Lemon Thyme cookies,

and Pumpkin Chocolate bread. . .

The Pumpkin Bread was. . . well I messed it up. I misread the recipe, so it turned into something else entirely. The chocolate center was less bread-like and more like the consistency of brownies. Seth, Sarah, and Mom gave it good reviews. So maybe it was a good mistake. It will just have to be a dessert bread.

Not going to lie, some of my favorite recipes have come from me messing up on someone elses recipe and having to fix it. Happy accidents. :)

I'm sorry this post isn't funny or interesting. I'm feeling very sad tonight. And overwhelmed. And guilty.

Thank you for sharing my blog with your friends and family. The response has been 99.9% postitive and wonderful. I'm so grateful for that.


  1. Camilla, I consider all of your efforts and sacrifice to be completely admirable. It takes an incredible amount of courage to do what you are doing, not only to admit you need treatment, but to be humble enough to ask for help. Don't lose sight of your goal, remember why you are doing this (your own life!), and just IGNORE that 0.01% of negative feedback. You are amazing. Keep the faith.

    And by the way, your pumpkin bread with the brownie center looks AMAZING! If I lived closer to you I would be all over that "mistake." :)

  2. I second everything Mary said: from how courageous and admirable you are, to how amazing the pumpkin-brownie bread looks, to wishing I lived just a little closer! I'm hoping to come up to Kirkland in a couple of weekends--maybe we could get together so I could buy a baked good from you? I'll shoot you a message. :)

  3. I stumbled upon your blog (Pinterest --> your cousin's lovely blog --> here) and just want to say that I completely support your efforts to get better. Ignore the nay-sayers and keep baking!! I would actually love the recipe for the lemon thyme cookies, if you are able to divulge :)

    Keep up the hard work and know that the only important thing is getting yourself healthy so that your friends, family, and anyone that gets to try your goodies can keep loving you!

    -Lily (from The Upper Yeast Side blog)

  4. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, least of all your friends and family. We love you and will support you in any way we can! You are amazingly gifted and amazing! Keep your head up!

  5. Some people are really dumb. You have an army behind you. Tell them to bring it on. Fools! PS - I dream of those sugar cookies.