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Friday, September 21, 2012

Busy Busy.

I'm applying for Avalon Hills in Utah. My family believes it's the best fit. I'm not sure. But frankly I think I will feel that way about EVERY place because my eating disorder wants to survive. I know it can't. The eating disorder and I can't BOTH survive. One of us has to die. And unfortunately for the eating disorder, a lot of people love me, and no one loves it. Except me. But I'm trying not to.
In case I haven't mentioned it before, my eating disorder has a name. It's FRANK. Thus named by my brother. I don't know why. . .

Anyway. . 

Tonight I'm feeling very undeserving. People are so generous.
My sister took sugar cookies to work and "sold" them for donations. People were way too generous. But apparently they raved about them, so that made me happy.
My friend Erin bought chocolate chip cookies from me. I had a major anxiety attack right before she got to my house, so I didn't even say hi. And she was so nice about it. And was also so ridiculously generous. She has been so understanding. I appreciate her more than she realizes. She checks on me and randomly texts me to see if I'm ok. It means so much. She's SO thoughtful that she ASKED me what kind of cookie would be the least stressful for me to bake. For all I know she doesn't really like chocolate chip, but that's what she ordered because it's the least anxiety provoking. Very very kind.
My friends Julian and Mariana commissioned cinnamon rolls for a Star Wars party they were having

(clever right??)

. . . and took donations from everyone who went. Like a mini-fund raiser. I feel so supported and so undeserving. Especially since (if I'm totally honest) there is a part of me that doesn't care if I recover. Knowing how much people believe in me definately helps combat that apathetic feeling.

And my dad is in town. That made today better. I love my daddy-o.

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