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Monday, August 20, 2012

Don't Know What To Believe.

My mom tells me I'm too skinny. Others tell me I'm merely "thin." Some think I "look healthy." I see fat. And UGLY. So ugly. Being thin is something I can control but I can't control the ugly. My mom tells me I'm beautiful. The problem is I have this awesome, supportive mother who tells me everything I do is amazing. So I don't believe her anymore. I could poop on the floor and she'd tell me it's wonderful and that I did a great job.

I don't trust what anyone says because no one is honest. They just tell you what you want to hear. For all I know my baking is terrible and people are just being kind. I can see how this expressing this skepticism could come across as fishing for compliments, but really it's just desperation to know what's true. I wish I could read minds. I don't believe anything that's said to me. I expect to be lied to.

With that, here is the newest cookie. My dear friend Emily requested 2 dozen peanut butter cookies for her niece's birthday. So I did an M&M version. Adapted from this recipe. I used butter instead of shortening, added less flour, more peanut butter and brown sugar (because subbing brown sugar for some of the white sugar makes a more chewy gooey cookie. Which is good I think).
ALSO: here's free advice.
Peanut butter cookies are often too cakey or too hard and crispy. To remedy this:
1) Add less flour. You don't need very much to hold the cookie together.
2) REFRIGERATE THE DOUGH. Warm cookie dough makes a flat cookie. Period. Cold cookie dough placed on a warm cookie sheet also makes a flat cookie.
3) The cookie is done about 2 minutes before it looks done. If it looks almost done, it's probably over cooked. And if you use parchment paper, the edges won't even look brown.

You're welcome.


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  3. Hey if you ever need an honest opinion let me know, I love cookies but I'm super picky.

    Also confidence takes a long while to gain. It's hard work getting to that point when you're ok with yourself, even happy with yourself, and it's hard keeping it. It takes a lot of work. It helps if you don't care what others think. I work with millionaires who would treat me like cr*p if I let them walk all over me. But I don't. But I had major panic attacks about this and a lot of sleepless nights to finally get to that point of "your opinion doesn't matter." And I continuously tell myself I'm happy and thankful for x, y, and z.

    Also, if I like something I like it. Like art, for example, I paint, but does everyone like my work? No. However, it makes me happy and I'm not going to stop. I also appreciate the people that do enjoy my work and I consider the opinions of the people that don't and I move on. Even over time my opinions of my art changes. For good or bad I paint on.

    And parents do have "love" goggles on. Ask people (co-workers, friends, friends of friends) "Do you like this or not like this and why? What could be done differently?" tell them you need an honest opinion so you can get better. Or you could even make several batches of cookies and have people rate them. Try different variations and have them rate each cookie for softness or flavor or whatever. Just a thought.

    Enjoy your night baking. I suck at it and wish I was better.