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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

What's Wrong.

"I have to tell you that you look healthy. I don't know you very well but when I read your blog I think you're trying to get attention and manipulate people to give you money and I find that disgusting. I hope for the good of your family and yourself that you find for your own good, but you should know that you're not fooling every one."

No I didn't type that wrong, the last sentence doesn't make sense. I wrote a response but I sounded stupid. So, in lieu of a clever comeback, here is what Opal (my treatment program) wrote in my discharge papers:
"Opal's recommendation for Camilla is to seek RESIDENTIAL care for her eating disorder including care from a dietitian, therapist, psychiatric provider, and medical provider. . . She is still experiencing: eating disordered behaviors including restriction with her intake and over exercising. Beliefs that maintain the eating disordered behaviors include:
  • That it is not a problem requiring intensive treatment
  • External locus of motivation (i.e. participating in treatment for others, not for herself)
  • Beliefs that she is not worth the financial cost of recovery.
  • Recommendations for further interventions include: trauma, body image, and self-esteem work.
Her mood is dysthymic and anxious generally. Her urges to engage in eating disorder behaviors are observed during PHP (partial hospitalization program) wherein meal completion was frequently a challenge.

DSM IV-TR Diagnosis at discharge:
  • Axis 1: 307 Anorexia Nervosa, restricting type; 296.32 Major Depressive Disorder, Recurrent, SEVERE, 300.1 Panic Disorder with agoraphobia.
  • Axis III: low heart rate (37 bpm), orthostatic hypotension, joint pains, amenorrhea, Hx of low white blood cell count
  • Axis IV: Family and FINANCIAL stressors

I already feel like this isn't a "real" problem. But I know I need help. And I know I can't afford it on my own. I'm trying. Give me a break, mean e-mailer. I'm sorry if I offend you. I really am. Rest assured I already hate myself. This is supposed to be my happy, upbeat blog. So now that I've addressd mean-emailer, it will be.


  1. Camilla, I love you. Don't let the judgments of people who do not know you or understand that you are facing real difficulties impede your progress. They don't know you. But if they did, they would love you too.

  2. I don't understand this persons email at all. You offer a product and ask for fair compensation, that's called a business. If someone does not want your product then they shouldn't buy it, you can do whatever you want with the profits. Unfortunately there will always be cowards who feel like they need to put other people down to feel powerful. I have been very proud of you for putting yourself and your recovery out on this blog for the word to read, it takes great courage and strength to be so open. It is very uplifting to be able to see the progress you are making, I can tell you are trying very hard to be positive through your struggles. I agree with Heather, don't let this one person with judgement in their heart shake your resolve. You have a hundred people out here supporting you with love!!

  3. Give me her email! I'll write her back! Jerk!

  4. Camilla!!! Don't you let anyone so negative put you down! You are an awesome person who happens to bake amazing stuff!! Every time you brought cookies to work I was so excited! They weren't just any cookie, they were amazing, sweet cookies!!! Yummm!!! Do what you love doing and be happy doing it!! I love you!

  5. That person is ridiculous. Done.

  6. I dont know you, other than through this blog. I think you are very courageous. Keep going and give yourself the chance to succeed. Your treats look divine.

  7. Hi, I like the last person who commented here only know you through your blog, what i can tell though very easily, as I have an eating disorder and have so for many years, is that you are genuine and beautiful too. You do not deserve the trash that person emailed to you, none of it is true. I hope you are recovering well. I will keep reading your blog, all the best :)