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Sunday, July 22, 2012


Tonight I posted that I was making chocolate chip banana bread. I didn't get a single offer. Not one. Not even for a dollar. I know my feelings shouldn't be hurt, but they are. Not hurt. Crushed. I fail at everything.

I can't do anything right.
My ideas are lame.
Or that's how I feel...

If I'm being impartial, though, it was a good thing no one wanted any because around 9:00pm I had severe anxiety. About everything. I had a self imposed need to vacuum, scrub the bathroom, do the dishes, wash the recycling, and clean the house. THEN I felt like I had to LEAVE the house because I was so sad. I couldn't be there anymore. My heart felt like it might burst. So yeah, baking anything was suddenly not an option. Which made the fact that I hadn't sold the banana bread a good thing . . .

Then again maybe the anxiety came from knowing no one wanted my bread and having no one to cook for. . .

It's was very much a "chicken or egg" scenario.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, my heart aches for you. Know that others understand and that you're not alone in this fight! So much of this post I can relate with. I am familiar with these feelings, these very moments. I felt like I had to respond even though you posted this months ago. I wish that I could have been there in that moment, and told you that you are the perfect you that you could possibly be. Just know that the very second that you read this. In that moment. You are wonderful. You are perfect and lovable and wonderful in that moment. Just as you are. You are the best you that you could possibly be! And if you were any different, you would take something priceless away from the world. You are priceless as you are, EXACTLY as you are, with everything that seems unlovable, IT IS SO LOVEABLE, it is YOU dammit, and you are loveable! No matter what you say to yourself and no matter what others say to you, in this moment, you are your potential. And your potential is priceless. You are lovable. Worth loving. NOW. I accept you as you are NOW and ache for you to accept yourself.